s u m m e r
lost
You know I used to have the energy to do this all.
To put up with the hopeless shit you know is coming your way, you just have to wake up, that's all. Another day. It will find you. Always does.
The energy had more to do with escape. I knew there were others. I counted on them and I like to think they once counted on me too.
But I've lost them. I've lost them all.
I turned down the wrong alley and got separated. I stood there too long rubbing my hands against the bricks and picking up texture for tomorrow and when I turned back around and found my way you were gone.
You were all gone.
And can I blame anyone but myself?
Not in the shadowed light of this office I cannot. I can't turn my face to the mirror and honestly say it was anyone persons fault, it simply was. And the loss simply is.
I've tried to reconnect. I've seen you up the road and I've run to catch up.
I've pumped my legs until they can move no longer.
I've torn at my muscles until I ended up in therapy.
I've touched your shadow and felt the coolness there, but I cannot stay with you and I cannot allow myself to fall behind.
You were my muse. You were my always.
But now I've a busted ankle and I sit uneasy on the curb watching your form move effortlessly out front. My breath is heavy and cannot find speech.
Nothing in my world can find you.
goodnight 2.11.06