s u m m e r
dug down blue
"But I felt it was me...flying up there
It was a childish folly
But it made me warm. I know there's pictures now
Of people doing anything...
Flying past the windows made me warm."
Indeed.
Point of fact: We all lose ourselves whether we want to or not.
Shouldn't we then choose when and where we want to get lost?
Shouldn't we then be at the controls of our respective losses?
It may appear to be too much to ask, but I think we know (with the whole certainty of a barrage of cannons) that it is exactly what we desire. Why go through all the risk of simply living if we're not going to take the risk necessary to make life itself worthwhile?
In the everyday experiences that could do you in with all the dignity of a Gorey print, we, as a people seem to find little more to rest our laurel's on than a good day's work and a safe ride home. Close the door, mix a drink, and watch someone else take the risk on T.V.
Living vicariously.
Through our siblings, or friends, or dead heroes, never thinking about what a struggle it must have been for them to become those heroes, do those things we find so great to begin with.
And after all why the hell would we?
If we could understand that then they wouldn't be our heroes, they'd be our peers. If we could comprehend the mind of the individual that does indeed grasp the reins of their reality and ride it through both the driving rain of changing seasons and the sunny days of calm, then we would be the heroes.
We would be the ones.
We may do it some of the time. And we'll get the feeling. Stepping onto a plane, or feeling it stutter away from the gate, uncertain like the pit in your stomach, but sure of one thing...it will fly.
Inching the needle higher, above the yellow, into the red and holding it just because you can. Hearing the engine whine and the tires squeal through impossible corners while the telephone poles rush by.
Asking the tough questions, unsure of any answer from your fellow man. Making a stand for what you and you alone believe in regardless of its alignment with the beliefs of those around you.
Picking up and moving, leaving the majority of your things behind.
Not looking back.
We all do it from time to time. But to live that way.
What must that feel like...
goodnight 10.12.99