l i f e
waltzing matilda
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christopher@30seconds.org
the drink...
Scott got his copy of the letter and flew in the day after I'd made arrangements for the funeral. Heidi went to wait at the gate and I played air-hockey with some kid who smashed my thumb.
Heidi and Scott were walking up the concourse when I left the game room. She had her arm around him and they were talking. His hair had grown since I saw him last, he brushed it back and lit a cigarette. His shirt was green with paisleys on it and he smiled the same drunken smile our father always had. He only shouldered a small hang-up bag of clothes which meant he wasn't staying long, as usual.
"Thought you were gonna quit," I said pointing at his smoke.
"I was."
Heidi broke in, "I'm gonna go get the car." She squeezed my hand, the one the kid had smashed. "See you boys out front."
Scott's eyes followed her, "She takes good care of you, huh? I don't know how you do it, but sometimesÉI wish." He shifted his footing and looked away. "Anyway, you look good."
"Thanks. Did Heidi talk you into anything to eat?"
"No, I ate on the plane."
"I guess you're used to that by now." I regretted the remark even as I said it, so I looked past him at some woman arguing with a universal teller machine. I saw a pilot talking with a stewardess, a hundred hellos and good byes, and ended up looking at my feet. I didn't feel a part of anything. I never liked airports and never understood how my father or brother could spend so much time in them, they made me feel small and in some ways unreal. Really, I guess they made me want a drink.
"Come on, let's gets your stuff in the car."
My brother and I went for a walk when we got home. The grass blew so that the lighter undersides left streaks of contrasting green. The leaves in the trees held strong. It's the closest I've ever come to seeing wind.
"The service is the day after tomorrow in Salisbury. I had him cremated. I figure we'll drive down tonight and start cleaning out the house. I'm putting it on the market next week."
"Is that what he wanted, Eric?"
"Who knows what he wanted, I mean you got a letter too. What the hell was yours written on? He knew I'd have to identify the body. Shit, it didn't even look like Dad."
A black Labrador ran up, dropping a frisbee at Scott's feet. He turned it over and I saw the teeth marks deep in the red plastic. It reminded me of the way your legs get if you sit on cement too long. Scott cocked his arm, threw the frisbee, and watched the Lab run after it. "What are we gonna do with the ashes?"
"I don't know. Put them in a Wild Turkey bottle and take them back to school, I really don't care."
"Come on."
"You just don't shoot yourself in the head and that's it. He should of thought-- known what he was leaving behind."
"I don't think he thought he was leaving anything behind. Who needed him anymore Eric?"
I threw a couple rocks and picked at some berries. "I didn't know how to feel man, I'm sorry. I just wanted it over."
Scott pulled a flask from his pocket and dumped a little down his throat. He handed it to me and I drank.
goodnight 5.13.98
